16 ways to feel alive
like pasta fagioli and lavender pillow spray
Today is August 16th. The urgent fade of summer reminds me of the pre-grief I felt when moving away from my dear friends in Atlanta, the feeling of bracing for the next season. While last summer was consumed with goodbyes and postpartum home care and cross-country moves, this summer has felt instead like a blur of thick heat and airplane anxiety and peaceful walks through the wildlife preservation near my apartment. To be honest, I sort of feel like I’m just now waking up to the clear skies and gorgeous Midwest summer weather— like enough pieces of my life are finally in order to step out of survival mode & actually take it in.
I recently realized that I don’t remember most of the last year. Memory loss is an unfortunate side effect of PTSD. It’s also a side effect of being in a whirlwind season of change. Things are still changing, but my nervous system is beginning to feel, like actually regulated???? (some days), which tells me that stability is increasing.
anyway, here are some! ways to feel alive!
Place our heads on the belly of an animal. Feel their warmth. Listen to their breath. Our heartbeats might start to beat in the same rhythm. If we don’t have a pet at home and love has been feeling inaccessible, we can always spend a day volunteering at a local animal shelter.
Do this Wim Hof breathing exercise video. I swear, the amount of breath and brain clarity I feel after completing this makes me feel like I’m on drugs.
Sit in stillness & silence for at least 30 minutes. Try to focus only on our breath. This one is not comfortable nor is it easy, but when our skin begins to crawl, we notice how much energy is inside of us. This is a good one for getting more information on what the body is asking for. Maybe it’s asking to not be still or silent!!
Spend extra time putting together our outfits. I feel best when I combine items of clothing I already own in new ways. Like, hey lil’ skirt, I didn’t know you could do that!
Jump into a body of water. It has come to my attention that a lot of people do not get in the water in the summer. As a former lifeguard, this discourages me! Rivers, lakes, waterfalls, ocean—Water is so good!!!!! If you don’t know how to swim, it’s never too late, here’s an awesome resource.
Do a creative project with friends. I’ve recently been connecting with other artistic people in Chicago. Something new is waking up as I ask questions about the creative projects I could never imagine taking on myself, like painting a canvas black or crocheting a shirt or illustrating a children’s legend.
Watch Down for Love on Netflix. Most TV is a mind-numbing escape, but this show reminds me it is joyful to be human. It also makes me think about how falling in love is an active choice.
Make something for absolutely no reason except to make it. When creativity has no landing point, no destination, we invite infinite expansion.
Put our toes on the earth. An apartment/house floor does not count. Soil, grass, rocks, sand, etc. are all options. Bonus points if we can put our faces into the warm sun at the same time, expanding to meet the presence of sky and earth in one moment.
Make delicious food. A tomato-based pasta dish with the highest quality ingredients we can find (I’m making this one tonight) or a crispy sourdough dipped in the finest olive oil the corner shop has to offer.
Repot our houseplants. What an explicit reminder that we live together with other living beings!!!!
Ask someone we see regularly for a hug. It’s so easy to get hug deficient.
Put lavender on our pillows just before we go to sleep. My friends and I used to do this in high school, even at sleepovers. It’s wild how much coze it brings to bedtime. Here’s an affordable option. Here’s a fancier version.
Eat a local, seasonal fruit with our bare hands. Let the juice trickle down. Good juicy options include: watermelon, a peach, a mango if you’re somewhere tropical, even a tomato.
At the end of every day, write down three things we liked about our day. This is an old practice I’ve let fall through the cracks. Picking it back up this week!
I invite you to try out ~being alive~ this week! You can do something from this list with me or make your own list! Next week, I’ll be back to my long-form writing to talk about religion and trauma. Thank you for reading my thoughts. It’s sacred to share this intimate space with you.
XO,
allie
Things that are inspiring me
Writing this substack has inevitably led to me subscribing to many more substacks. Every week I find another writer to transport me to another dimension. This week, I found Kamra and Care Ecology. Here is Kamra’s latest post.
Margeaux Feldman wrote a critique of the critiques of Barbie. I loved it.
Noah & I just started watching The Morning Show on Apple TV. We’re already hooked. Jennifer Aniston can ACT (as if we didn’t already know that).
Bonus feeling alive activity. Listen to this song while dancing in front of a mirror.
NGL, preaching the sermon I did this past weekend was one of the bravest things I’ve done so far. It might not have many ~groundbreaking~ ideas, but the setting was a congregation in the process of discerning whether to remain with the Methodist church (aka discerning whether to accept queer marriage & leadership) and it was the church I grew up in, so lots of people I know. If you like church, you can give the service a watch here.
LOVEEEE this list!!! Want to start using some of these ideas TODAY!!!!